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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28567074">I Was Soaring Ever Higher</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MotherMountain/pseuds/MotherMountain'>MotherMountain</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>15x18, 15x20, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Love Confessions, M/M, Sort Of, Spoilers, Writer Castiel (Supernatural)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 03:47:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,801</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28567074</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MotherMountain/pseuds/MotherMountain</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel turns and places his mug back on desk beside his laptop, giving himself a moment to let the heat in cheeks cool, before turning back and confronting Dean. Leaning forward, hands clasped together in his lap, he replies, "Okay, first off, there's still two chapters left, so who knows what'll happen; and second, I'm pretty sure I'm more invested in these characters since I'm, I don't know, the one who wrote them." He gives Dean his best resting bitch face until the other man holds up his hands in surrender, and waves for him to continue. "Now shut up and let me read." Cas clears his throat before grabbing the draft, and beginning again aloud, "This can't be happening. Dmitri prays silently-"</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>65</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Was Soaring Ever Higher</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The pounding on the door didn't stop as Ross talked about how he'd changed. How Dmitri had changed him, made him a more caring, loving, and understanding being. The tears he'd been holding finally spilling over, making his green eyes impossibly more so, and the fragile smile he'd been trying so hard to keep, trembled with every word.</p><p>Dmitri felt like he'd died, like Lisa had already broken through the door and killed them both. What Ross was saying was <em>too</em> perfect, too much of <em>everything</em> he had ever wanted to hear, but it felt <em>wrong</em>. Dmitri wanted to be happy in this moment, when they finally had this conversation and expressed their feelings, not now, as they were about to fight and die against Death. This felt more like it was meant to be their last words to each other. Or... <em>is that what this is?</em></p><p>The hunter held himself stiff, numb expect for the ache in his chest and a stinging behind his eyes as they began to water. "Why does this sound like a goodbye?" </p><p>Ross' voice was a pitch he'd never spoken before when he confessed, "Because it is." His green eyes locked with blue ones and he kept them there. "I love you," he said, as he gave the saddest smile he'd ever worn.</p><p>Dmitri forgot to breathe as the room went silent around him, Lisa's continuous banging be damned. <em>This can't be happening.</em> Dmitri could not finally have gotten this, gotten everything, gotten <em>Ross</em>, only for him to be immediately taken away. He couldn't let it happen, <em>no,</em> and neither should the angel. Dmitri fought the urge to express his love back, because, <em>not like this</em>, he thought. Instead he begged, "Don't do this, Ross."</p><p>And for a moment the world was perfect, nothing but warm air and new love between them. ...And then it ended. A disgusting sludge sound bubbled out from behind Dmitri, and he turned to see it, easily recognizing the Empty as it opened it's portal from the brick wall. The hunter turned back to Ross just as the room's door burst open and Lisa entered, her vicious scythe still in hand. Panic flooded Dmitri's system and he suddenly felt utterly unprepared for everything happening around him. Looking back at the angel, he pleaded, "Ross."</p><p>Confident and sure, Ross stepped forward and gripped the spot he had claim has his, on Dmitri's left shoulder, with his bloody hand. "Goodbye, Dmitri."</p><p>"Wha-" Dmitri had barely a second to understand his parting words, before the angel threw him out of the way to the wall beside them. The Empty's black goo reached out past Ross to snag Lisa, before another thick arm of sludge came forward and made contact with his chest, completely encasing the angel while he simply stood smiling and content with his fate. The goo retracted the celestial beings back into the portal, and closed. </p><p>Dmitri shakenly exhaled as he looked out at the now empty room, his mind slow and his body heavy where he still remained on the floor. <em>No. Please No. This can't be-</em></p><p>***</p><p>"Hold the fucking phone!" Dean exclaims as he raises from the couch, his arms stretched out in front of him, palms forward. "Ross died?! What the fuck, Cas?"</p><p>Castiel signs, laying the stack of stapled pages on his lap and raises an eyebrow at his roommate, a well-know photographer by day, and the author's number one fan by night. They've made it through four chapters so far today, and honestly, he's surprised this is the first time Dean is interrupting him. Cas has been reading aloud his 'final drafts' for the last eleven books, and Dean's usually a lot more vocal about his opinion on what's happening in the story by now.</p><p>"Yes, he died. Can I keep reading now?" He asks impatiently, they're so close to the end and it's already getting dark outside. He had really wanted to finish this read-through today.</p><p>"Ah, no! What kind of bullshit was that?" Dean turns and begins pacing back and forth between their worn brown couch and the sorry excuse of what they call a  coffee table; leaving Cas to lean back in his desk chair and sip on his mug of honeyed tea, while he waits for Dean to finish ranting. The tea's always been super helpful on his read-through days, keeping his throat from drying out after so much talking. "You can't just have him confess his love and then kill him off like that, Cas. There's no closure."</p><p>The author scoffs and shakes his head, "I didn't simply just 'kill him off'," he explains, as he uses one hand to make air quotes. "He sacrificed himself to save Dmitri, who is trying to save the world from Rob. So <em>technically</em>, Ross has inadvertently saved the world, so his death is totally justifiable. And since when do you care about closure? 'Mr. No-Chick-Flick-Moments'."<br/> <br/>The photographer rolls his eyes as he answers, "Since Ross and Dmitri are involved, duh." Taking his seat back on the couch, Dean folds one leg under himself and turns, so he's fully facing Castiel. "I haven't spent the last six years becoming fully invested in these characters, for you to kill them off while they're on the brink of happiness. I mean, Ross had finally admitted his love for Dmitri, I've been waiting <em>at least</em> seven books for him to grow the balls to do that, and Dmitri doesn't even say it back! And yeah, we the readers know that Dmitri loves him back, but <em>Ross</em> didn't get to hear it, before he <em>died</em>. That's just tragic, Cas."</p><p>Castiel turns and places his mug back on desk beside his laptop, giving himself a moment to let the heat in cheeks cool, before turning back and confronting Dean. Leaning forward, hands clasped together in his lap, he replies, "Okay, first off, there's still two chapters left, so who knows what'll happen; and second, I'm pretty sure I'm more invested in these characters since I'm, I don't know, the one who <em>wrote</em> them." He gives Dean his best resting bitch face until the other man holds up his hands in surrender, and waves for him to continue. "Now shut up and let me read." Cas clears his throat before grabbing the draft, and beginning again aloud, "<em>This can't be happening</em>. Dmitri prays silently-"</p><p>***</p><p>"No! Just no!" Dean's feeling a lot of different emotions by the time Cas' gravel voice reads out the book's last words, two hours later, but what he's feeling the most right now is frustration. It ended with a simple "Hey, Rich" and "Dmitri", between the cousins, both now dead, hugging, and reunited in Heaven. Which is ...great? He thinks. Honestly, it's a little unsatisfying.</p><p>"What do you mean 'no'?" Castiel inquires, flipping over the last page of the draft, and tossing it lightly on to his desk. "What was wrong with it?" His tone slightly defensive, arms crossed, with a hard look on his face. And Dean has seen this look on the other man enough times to know he's put up a wall for the oncoming critique.</p><p>Dean huffs disbelievingly, "A lot." He takes a deep breath and sags back deeper into the couch, letting his head fall back against the cushion and dragging a hand down his face. He needs to calm down, what Cas needs from him is helpful constructive criticism, not an angry fan bitching and moaning to him because things didn't go his way. "Okay, it's not entirely bad. Rob being defeated? Awesome. Alex absorbing his power, becoming the new God, and promising to stay out of humanity's free will?" Dean kisses his fingertips in a very Italian gesture, "Fucking beautiful." </p><p>He pauses before leaning forward, elbows resting on his knees, and he turns to look at his roommate. Dean can actually see Cas' wall deflating under his stare, and suddenly he looks tired. A slight darkness under his eyes, his brown hair wild, his sharp jaw a little scruffier than he normally keeps it, t-shirt and sweatpants a size too big and hanging from his lean frame; a lazy mess of gorgeous proportions. </p><p>Dean clears his throat, green eyes darting away for a moment before looking back into the blue depths of Cas' own. "Dmitri died. Like only a week or two after they defeated Rob." The photographer chooses to keep his voice calm and steady, despite his inner frustrations. "He finally got the freedom he was fighting so hard for, and then he just <em>dies</em>. And from a <em>fucking nail</em>! Come on, man."</p><p>Cas signs, "Dean, think about it. Rob was the one keeping them safe, giving them... What's it called? 'Plot armor'? Without Rob as God, Dmitri and Richard were just <em>normal guys</em>. Getting impaled on a nail during a fight in an old barn, is something that happens to normal guys. Besides..." Castiel suddenly looks away, something on the floor now more interesting than maintaining eye contact with his best friend.  "Dmitri lived his whole life in constant worry, stress, violence, and pain. And sure he had some good days, some great people around him, and a few moments of happiness, but that freedom he was so desperate for? He wasn't going to get that on Earth. He just would have continued to hunt. He would have just died on a different day, in a different fight, from a different monster. Death itself was his true release. He deserved to be happy, and the best place he'd find it is in Heaven."</p><p>"Happy, huh?" Dean mutters, a weird tightness in his chest he can't explain. <em>It's just a fictional story, what the hell is he so upset about?</em> Cas frowns and opens his mouth to speak, but Dean keeps going, "If Heaven was suppose to be where he's happiest, then <em>where the fuck was Ross?</em> Jim told him that Alex rescued Ross from the Empty, so where is he? I mean, he didn't even show up to tell Dmitri and Rich that he was alive, he just let them keep thinking he was dead. We don't even see him in Heaven when Dmitri gets there, and that makes no sense. This is the closure I was talking about, Cas. Ross already admitted he loves him, probably more than anything else in existents, how can he not be there?"</p><p>The author looks slightly shocked at Dean's words, his eyes wide and his mouth parted. His voice rumbles low as he replies, "I- I don't- I mean, just because we don't see it in the book doesn't mean it doesn't happen. There's no reason Ross and Dmitri wouldn't see each other again, even if we don't read it."</p><p>"But I <em>want</em> to read it, Cas." Dean knows there's a tad too much of emotion in his voice than he would normally allow, but he can't help it. <em>How can Cas think it's okay to leave this out of the book?</em> "I want to read about them reuniting, with no rush, or life or death situation going on around them. Just them saying all those things they didn't get to say to each other back in the bunker. I wanna hear Ross finally man up and tell Dmitri what he truly thinks of him. How he's brave and strong, and funny, and endearing, and gorgeous, and so god damn smart. And yeah, he's caring, and does everything for love, like Ross said, but it's more than that. Dmitri is <em>everything</em>, the true angel of this story. The best thing that's ever happened to Ross, and he did so much more than just change him. He made him<em> whole.</em> Ross was lost and alone before, even if he didn't know it. And then Dmitri came along and gave him a purpose, and showed him what family and love feels like. What <em>real</em> happiness feels like. Ross would be still be nothing without him, and he needs to tell Dmitri that. And he needs to confess again, Ross has got to say it again, Cas. I want to say 'I love you', and I want to hear you say it back."</p><p>Dean's slightly out of breath after all that, and it takes him a moment to realize that last part he just said. His face feels like it's on fire as he stares at Cas' shocked expression, and he stumbles to get the next words out fast enough, "N- not <em>me</em>, or- or <em>you</em>, I mean-, I meant <em>Ross</em>, and <em>Dmitri</em>. I want Dmitri to say it back. To Ross. After he says it first." </p><p>The silence gets awkward fast, and Dean just stares down at his hands in embarrassment, a sharp ache quickly consuming him from the inside. He needs an escape. "I, ah-" He clears his throat and tries again, "I need a beer." Bolting from the couch, he takes big steps at a time to the kitchen, not daring to look back at his best friend.</p><p>
  <em>Shit. Well, I just fucked this friendship up. Good job, Dean.</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>Dean's on his second beer, hip against the counter, staring out the window above the sink, when the author finally enters the kitchen. He'd remained seated at his desk after Dean had left the room,  confused and replaying the man's words over and over in his head.</p><p>He had just been talking about <em>Dmitri,</em> right? How Ross felt about him, not how <em>Dean</em> felt about <em>Cas</em>. Because that would be ridiculous. Sure, Cas had written Ross into the story after he had met Dean their Freshman year in college, and sure, Cas had used a lot of Dean's personality and likeness for the angel, but that didn't mean they were the same person.</p><p>Dean didn't love him. He couldn't, Cas would have noticed. <em>Totally would have noticed.</em> But maybe...</p><p>His voice is low and smooth when he finally starts to speak, every word careful, and thoughtfully chosen. "I have to disagree with what you said. Yeah, Dmitri is the hero, and a badass hunter. Fighting monsters, rescuing people, saving the world. But he's also just a guy, just some <em>person</em> who Rob chose at random. He's not anything special, not like Ross. Ross is the angel for a reason. He's kind and understanding, and he's charming, and handsome, and <em>perfect</em>, even if he doesn't think so himself. He's greater than any earthly human. And Dmitri is in awe of him, so much so that his whole world moves<em> for him</em>."</p><p>The photographer hasn't moved a muscle since Cas began speaking, just continuing to stand there, face unreadable. So Castiel takes a deep breath and steps forward in front of Dean, watching his green eyes for any hint that he may have gotten this all wrong. <em>God I hope not.</em> </p><p>Cas leaves little space between them before he stops, he can feel Dean's quick breaths on his cheek, and see every freckle across his nose, every fleck of gold in his eyes, that stare back almost hopeful. The author licks his lips before he whispers, "And if you want me to say it, then I'll say it.  I love you, Dean."</p><p>Dean moves faster then Cas had thought he would, within a second there's soft lips crashing against his, fingers curling in his hair on the back of his head, and another hand wrapping around his waist, pulling him flush against the solid muscle of Dean's body. What starts as a kiss of excited relief, slowly melts into one of lingering tenderness. It's not a heavy make-out session, or a chaste peck of newness. No, it's sweet, passionate <em>love</em>. It's a slow kiss after kiss, hands gently sliding down arms, up backs, and thumbs caressing against cheek bones.</p><p>Cas feels like he's floating by the time Dean licks his bottom lip, and he opens his mouth for Dean's tongue to explore. He feels happy, and warm, so very in love. </p><p>As they break the kiss for the need to breathe, Castiel whines his arms around Dean's neck and feels him do the same around Cas' waist, eyes locking on to each other, Dean speaks for the first time since Cas entered the kitchen. "I love you. God, Cas, I love you so much. But I- I <em>need</em> you to do something for me."</p><p>Cas frowns slightly, worry gathering at the back of his mind. "What, Dean?"</p><p>"I need you to rewrite the ending of your book." A teasing grin stretches across Dean's face, and Cas can't help the chuckle of relief that escapes him. </p><p>He can feel the big beaming smile on his face as he closes his eyes and rests his forehead against Dean's, letting the warm, comfortable presence of his body soothe Cas' soul. "Okay. I can do that," he whispers.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My first fic ever written, I hope it wasn't too bad. :)  Thanks for reading! Leave a comment below to tell me your thoughts!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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